The following is my formal apology to the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, written so flawlessly by Rick Riordan. My opinions on Greek mythology and books narrated by teenage boys have been forever altered. Do forgive my previous outlook on the two, and join me in laughter (or tears… whichever you prefer) over the quotes below. These just stuck with me and will most likely never leave me alone.
“Not even a little bit.” I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily.
“Yay!” he said. “Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!”
-Tyson and Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
“Jeez, Nico,” I said. “I’ve never really tried.”
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn’t answer that one.) If Annabeth’s mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn’t Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
“Powdered donuts,” Tyson said earnestly. “I will look for powdered donuts in the wilderness.” He headed outside and started calling, “Here, donuts!”
-Tyson, The Sea of Monsters
“Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.”
“But… you did something nice. Why?”
He raised and eyebrow. “I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven’t you noticed?”
-Percy, The Sea of Monsters
Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”
Zoe blinked. “Yes. What is funny?”
“Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. “I could use some dam french fries.”
Even Thalia smiled at that. “And I need to use the dam restroom.”
…
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. “I do not understand.”
“I want to use the dam water fountain,” Grover said.
“And…” Thalia tried to catch her breath. “I want to buy a dam t-shirt.”