The following is my formal apology to the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, written so flawlessly by Rick Riordan. My opinions on Greek mythology and books narrated by teenage boys have been forever altered. Do forgive my previous outlook on the two, and join me in laughter (or tears… whichever you prefer) over the quotes below. These just stuck with me and will most likely never leave me alone.
“What if it lines up like it did in the Trojan War… Athena versus Poseidon?”
“I don’t know. I just know that I’ll be fighting next to you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re my friend, Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?”
-Percy and Annabeth, The Lightning Thief
“You are okay?” he asked. “Not eaten by monsters?”
“Not even a little bit.” I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily.
“Yay!” he said. “Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!”
-Tyson and Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
“Not even a little bit.” I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily.
“Yay!” he said. “Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!”
-Tyson and Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
“Can you surf really well, then?”
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
“Jeez, Nico,” I said. “I’ve never really tried.”
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn’t answer that one.) If Annabeth’s mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn’t Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
“Jeez, Nico,” I said. “I’ve never really tried.”
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn’t answer that one.) If Annabeth’s mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn’t Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
-Nico and Percy, The Titan’s Curse
“Powdered donuts,” Tyson said earnestly. “I will look for powdered donuts in the wilderness.” He headed outside and started calling, “Here, donuts!”
-Tyson, The Sea of Monsters
“I didn’t want things to stay the same for eternity, because things could always get better. And I was thinking…” My throat felt really dry.
“Anyone in particular?” Annabeth asked, her voice soft.
I looked over and saw that she was trying not to smile.
“You’re laughing at me,” I complained.
“I am not!”
“You are so not making this easy.”
Then she laughed for real, and she put her hands around my neck. “I am never, ever going to make things easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it.”
-Percy and Annabeth, The Last Olympian
My name is Percy Jackson. I’m twelve years old.
Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I a troubled kid?
Yeah. You could say that.
-Percy, The Lightning Thief
“I turned to Dionysus. “You cured him?”
“Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.”
“But… you did something nice. Why?”
He raised and eyebrow. “I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven’t you noticed?”
“Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.”
“But… you did something nice. Why?”
He raised and eyebrow. “I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven’t you noticed?”
-Percy and Dionysus, The Battle of the Labyrinth
[My mom’s] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it’s her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
-Percy, The Sea of Monsters
-Percy, The Sea of Monsters
“Let us find the dam snack bar,” Zoe said. “We should eat while we can.”
Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”
Zoe blinked. “Yes. What is funny?”
“Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. “I could use some dam french fries.”
Even Thalia smiled at that. “And I need to use the dam restroom.”
…
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. “I do not understand.”
“I want to use the dam water fountain,” Grover said.
“And…” Thalia tried to catch her breath. “I want to buy a dam t-shirt.”
Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”
Zoe blinked. “Yes. What is funny?”
“Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. “I could use some dam french fries.”
Even Thalia smiled at that. “And I need to use the dam restroom.”
…
I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. “I do not understand.”
“I want to use the dam water fountain,” Grover said.
“And…” Thalia tried to catch her breath. “I want to buy a dam t-shirt.”
-Zoe, Grover, Thalia and Percy, The Titan’s Curse
“Erre es korakas, Blinky!” Dionysus cursed. “I will have your soul!”
– Dionysus (to the PAC-MAN gaming system), The Last Olympian
Much love,
Aquinnah